“I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul.” - david
spent sat. nite all by my lonesome self at home…funny thing is…it’s probably the best time i’ve had in a good lil’ while…why is that? i don’t really know exactly…i worked on projects for bout 8 hours…then i ran 1 1/2 miles on the treadmill…ordered pizza…watched my tape of “the oc” and then snl when it came on at 11:30…maybe the reason it was so enjoyable is because even when i’m with other people i still feel alone…i guess when i’m by myself i can at least “be myself” and have a good time…
the fact is, God has been teaching me so much lately about letting him become my best friend and just me being myself and being honest w/ him…it’s almost depressing when i’m with others because i don’t feel that…i don’t feel like anyone knows me or really wants to…i know and believe God does and that’s the koolest thing in the world…but i think it’d be nice to…well, i think you know where this is going so i’m just gonna cut myself off at the pass…truth be known, everyone feels like this at one point or another…for me, that point is now (or the past few months)…so when i want to feel like no one cares or understands me, i’m learning to realize that deep down, i think we all feel that way…because there is only one that can truly understand, know, and care about us the way we really desire someone would…and he wants to just hang out w/ us more than anything…and i’m learning to give him more shots at doing that…
sorry for the semi-weepy/pathetic post…hope you all forgive me…that’s been on my mind all weekend and figured you guys would understand more than any…after all, it’s true that we’d rather come on here and type all our thoughts/feelings to a virtual world rather than voice them to living/breathing humans here in the real world…and sometimes i wonder why i dont’ have a girlfriend…hmmm…
things to expect in my next few posts: “things that ryan has recently come to like that you should like as well”, and excerpts from my long lost journal entries…should be exciting…
stay tuned…