well this week i’m officially back to work…with my nose to the proverbial grindstone as they say…i had a nice little christmas break going…eleven straight days off…should have only been ten but the power outage extended that a bit…that’s a long time without work my friends…and boy was it much enjoyed by one particular person, namely me…
it actually feels semi-good to get back to work though…i missed the structure…crazy as it seems…without my normal structure in place i become really lazy and irresponsible…it’s also really hard to motivate myself unless i have reason or a deadline yah know…i hate that…but that’s the way i am when left to my own devices…i hate it that i resort to watching tv and playing hours of xbox on my days off instead of doing things that i really am passionate about…it’s funny that i should say passionate…because if i really am passionate about film and music then why am i not spending every waking moment that is not consumed at work writing/playing music or jotting down my film ideas on paper?…
why is this? because sometimes it’s a struggle to make art…sometimes it’s born out of the war within us…and as a result it’s a battle to even get it past the back of our minds…i’ve been learning a good bit about passion lately and what it means to be passionate…it isn’t necessarily being so motivated about something you love that you long to do it all the time…it’s an acknowledgement of something that God has uniquely instilled inside you and as a result you can’t rest until you’ve let it out…sometimes it’s work for me to try to write a song…to write about film or to flesh out ideas i have…and too often i just leave it at that and never try or take the easy way out and let my mind wander…but i’ve had enough…i can’t sit idly by any longer…this is the time to take hold of the glory that God has placed inside me…
so yea…crazy how all these feelings are all coinciding in me lately…what grand timing…tomorrow i’m heading to kansas city with a good group of folks from six:forty for a “missions conference” of sorts…i say it in quotes because i’m not really viewing it as a big missions push or what have you…i’m just praying most importantly that God will speak to me through the various speakers about these restless urges to get up and go somewhere else…i want to make an impact for God and more and more i feel that i may best be able to do that outside of tuscarawas county…i’ve been feeling increasingly adventurous…but i’m not wanting to be irresponsible with what i’ve been given…i’m wanting to make sure this is a God-honored thing…and that’s what i’m praying for most of all with this conference…i want this fire and spirit inside of me to balanced out by the revelation that only God can bring…
i’m not a spontaneous person by nature…but i’m really longing for something different before that aforementioned structure keeps stretching itself further and further into my thirty’s, forty’s, etc. and i’m left wondering what would have…could have…or should have been…i’ve got to set these dreams on fire or put them to rest before i can move on…and that’s all there is to it…
i know there are many going on the trip that are at this same place so i pray all those of you who aren’t going would keep the seventy or so of us from six:forty traveling to missouri in your prayers…
random word of the day*
glad hand n. - a warm and hearty, but often insincere welcome or greeting
* random word of the day is a new section of my site that features a word that is currently running circles in my mind…usually these words just pop randomly into my head at some point in the day and i find myself working them into everyday thoughts…for example…as i was backing my car out of the driveway today “glad hand” suddenly appeared into my consciousness…i haven’t used it recently or ever before really…but i have heard of it…maybe one of you out there will benefit from such a random thought…so there yah have it…my random word of the day…enjoy…
brace yourself folks…it’s now time for the return of the crowd-pleasing, time-honored classic known in elite social circles simply as: thoughts of a passerby
“man it’s pretty slick and foggy out…i think i’ll put on my hazards and go 25 mph…i’m sure everyone should see me fine so as not to slam into the back of my car…”
“i’m pretty sure this light is gonna turn yellow any second now so i’ll slow down to nearly a complete stop so as not to run it…”
this week my top ten favorite movies of 2004 are being published by “the review“…so as soon as i get back i’ll post the link for you all to check them out…as well as an update on the trip of course…
######Note: This post is from a very old Xanga blog of mine. A very, very old blog. In fact, it’s practically a museum. Be sure not to touch any old references or links. You won’t break them, they are most certainly already broken.